Disagreements with the Psychiatrist

I've been really exhausted lately.  I'm getting over a cold, right now, which sucks--but I'm glad it's finally over.  I've been seeing my psychiatrist for the last month or so, and we've discussed things.  First of all, she supports my endeavor to obtain a service dog.  Up until this latest session, I've been cautiously optimistic.  I'd be worried crazy, until the appointment would go by, and I'd leave feeling relieved and even happy.  This time...was the opposite.

I walked in the doors of her new office--a very beautiful building, by the way, with a beautiful view of a fountain with live swans swimming in it!  I've been considering Supplemental Security Income for a long time, now, and have been asking her opinion on it.  This time, I didn't bring it up; my fiance whispered "SSI" to ask if I wanted to talk about it, and I said "whatever".  She overheard, however, and proceeded to talk about it anyway.  She said that I had been bringing it up a lot, and said that there was no way they would accept me because I hadn't tried hard enough to work.  Keep in mind, I may be paraphrasing, as I don't remember her exact words; because I'm upset, I might color her to seem worse than she is.

She said that since my anxiety prevented me from getting a normal job, that I should try working from home.  My first response was that I have terrible concentration issues.  Ever since I was little, people have treated me like I was stupid because I couldn't focus on assignments or anything else.  She gave me a knowing look that suggested I was making excuses.  It offended me, highly.  She told me I needed to be realistic.  How is that realistic?  What job am I supposed to do?  Who is going to hire me?  Honestly, I think she's nuts.

I didn't know how to respond to her, after that, so I just looked out the window at the swans.  She accused me of "shutting down".  Even if that's so, saying it like that is so...rude.  I wasn't blocking her out, I was listening to everything she was saying.  Just because I didn't know what to say doesn't mean I put up a wall or stopped paying attention.

I'll be honest: I don't want to work.  I'm not sure if I ever will.  If it will satisfy the right people, I'll go out and try, anyway.  I won't even be half-assed about it.  I'll put in the effort so they'll know.  The problem is, they'll just accuse me of failing on purpose.  There is no pleasing these people.

I'm so tired of this...I just want to get on SSI so I can go live on my own and be independent.  I'm tired of relying on my poor parents, my poor boyfriend, and his poor parents.  Even if I can't work, if there's a way that I can stop being a burden on them, I'll take it in a heartbeat.

I'll get rejected the first time I apply; almost everyone is.  So what.  I know of lawyers that will take my case, and I'll appeal.  I just want to go be alone and independent...