Childish

I'm sure my love for rainbows and unicorns has become painfully obvious by now.  I have a lot of time on my hands, too much in fact, so I've been able to sit down and really think about what makes me: me.  I'm no expert, but I understand this much.  My way of dealing with the metric tonnes of stress constantly bombarding me is to simply be a kid again.  I remember as a child, the things that soothed me and made me happiest were rainbows.  Red to violet, as long as they were in their proper order and balance, gave me the most joy.  I would be distracted for hours just staring at the shiny, holographic cards!  Which is saying a lot when one considers how extremely hyper I was back then.

I firmly feel my childhood was robbed from me the moment my parents divorced.  It wasn't the act itself, but everything that followed.  I suffered a lot of verbal abuse, and my trust was broken again and again until I was unable to be a whole person anymore.  My mind and body are always trying to go back and catch it up, but to no avail.  When I'm at my best, I seem like a normal adult, but that's very rare.  If I can function at all below that, I'm young again, and immature.  I try not to be a burden, but I'm vulnerable.  If it weren't for my fiance, I probably wouldn't be alive right now.  He understands me and is willing to shoulder this with me, to take care of me when I need him...even if that means all the time.  I'll finally be able to see a psychiatrist, soon.  Things will hopefully start looking up, after that.